#8 Us vs Them: Can we undo the divide?

4 July 2025

Why making hummus might actually help solve tribalism

This week, I came across a short animation called A Brief Disagreement. Take a couple of minutes to watch it now – it's both funny and disturbing, and manages to perfectly capture something fundamental about us humans.

As they fight, civilisation evolves rapidly around them, but the humans remain stubbornly Neanderthal.

That seems to be a recurring theme of this newsletter: our brains haven’t changed much in 50,000 years, but the world we live in has changed beyond recognition. We're running modern software on ancient hardware, and the cracks are showing.

The internet paradox

The internet was supposed to unite us. And, technically, it has.

But despite being more connected than ever, we feel more divided than ever. Algorithms nudge us deeper into echo chambers, feeding us more of what we already believe. Before you know it, our views become stronger, our patience thinner, and the gulf between "us" and "them" gets wider.

And it happens silently, hidden beneath layers of online communities, forums, or apps. Without even realising it, we slide into tribes that reinforce our views until anyone outside our bubble feels alien.

So, what's the antidote?

None of us chose to have caveman brains in the age of TikTok and Twitter. But that’s the hand we've been dealt, so it’s up to us to consciously bridge the divides we find ourselves slipping into.

Here are 5 ways I’ve been thinking about how we can reverse the fragmentation…

1. Question your assumptions

We humans are masters of confirmation bias. Most of us build stories about other people – what they believe, what they’re like, why they’re wrong – and then go hunting for evidence to back that story up.

What if you consciously flipped that? Take one assumption you have about a group of people, a movement, a political side, and test it. Go and speak to someone who holds that view. Ask how they see it. Listen long enough to realise your mental caricature probably doesn’t match the human in front of you.

You don’t have to agree with them. But at least you’ll know what you’re disagreeing with.

2. Look for common ground

There’s a story I love from PeaceWorks, an organisation trying to build peace between Israelis, Palestinians, and people from across the Middle East.

They didn’t start by hosting tense debates about history or politics. They just got everyone making hummus together. That’s it! Their approach helps us see each other as humans first, rather than representatives of a tribe or ideology.

We could all use a bit more of this hummus-making mindset. The next time you encounter someone whose views deeply differ from yours, don't rush to debate them. Just find something simple – cooking, sport, music, gardening – and connect over that. Build the human bond first. The tricky conversations may still come, but they’ll be easier when you’ve already connected as people.

3. Steel-Man the other side

You’ve heard of a straw-man argument, where you build a weak, exaggerated version of your opponent’s view just to knock it down. The steel-man is the opposite. You articulate your opponent's view as clearly, strongly, and convincingly as possible, so well that even they’d say, “Yes, that's exactly what I meant.”

This approach not only shows real respect and curiosity, it forces you to sharpen your own views. If we all did this, arguments would be rarer, and way more useful. This guide does a good job explaining the different levels of argument.

4. Spread micro-positivity

Ever had someone smile at you in the street, or hold a door open for you, and felt yourself instinctively want to pass that energy along? We mirror the energy we’re given. Negativity is contagious… but luckily so is kindness.

So be the one who starts it. Smile. Say hello to a stranger. Compliment someone’s shoes. Small actions won’t fix the world overnight, but they could change your little corner of it.

5- Reconnect offline (IRL)

The internet’s great for meeting people across the world. But it’s also very, very good at keeping us disconnected from the people literally next door.

So the antidote to too much internet might just be… less internet.

Try making the effort to reconnect with the actual humans who share your physical spaces. Volunteer, join a club, start a local meetup, or simply make a point of having regular chats with your neighbours. Face-to-face interactions lead to empathy in a way screens never will.

In future I’d like to write a lot more about how we can rebuild communities. I think it’s one of the biggest issues facing us as a species right now.

Leaning into discomfort

I know some of this sounds a bit idealistic. Like, “sure, let’s all just smile at strangers and make hummus and the world will be fine.” Obviously it’s more complicated than that.

But complexity doesn’t mean we’re helpless. If you tell yourself the problems are too big, too tangled, too far gone, you’ll do nothing.

And avoiding the hard conversations has a cost: it lets divides grow quietly and quickly, until they're too wide to bridge. Tackling the awkwardness head-on is how we start reversing the trend. And the moment you actually start talking, things usually feel far less intimidating.

I often think about this with voting. It's easy to quietly go cast your ballot. But how much more effective is it to speak openly about your views and influence five others to vote too?

So here's my challenge for you this week:

➡ Pick one of the five antidotes above. ➡ Actually try it. ➡ Tell me how it went!

Let’s stop waiting for someone else to fix the world. Start where you are, with the people around you, with whatever’s in front of you.

Happy weekend!

PS. If you want some extra homework, this is a great little documentary about cults and online communities that I’ve probably watched 5 times now. While old school cults don’t exist much these days, they’ve simply moved online. It’s even more true now than when the doc first came out.

In the past, joining an extreme group meant physically attending meetings, giving up your time and energy in person. Today, you just log on. You’re connected 24/7, instantly reinforcing whatever worldview you've signed up for. Radicalisation can happen quietly and quickly. Before long, you’re shocked by the views your neighbour holds—not realising they’ve been immersed in them for years.