Networking for normal people (a.k.a. making friends who happen to help your career)
by Bene Donovan // 10 July 2025
Here’s something that took me a while to learn: Networking isn’t schmoozing. It’s not stalking people on LinkedIn and sending “Hope you’re well!” messages while secretly hoping they’ll hand you a golden opportunity on a stick.
Networking is really just about making friends ♥️
People you like hanging out with. People you respect. People you help, and who help you back.
And we should be teaching kids this! Because if you grow up thinking that “building connections” means forcing awkward small talk at some dead-eyed business event, no wonder it feels dirty and soul-destroying.
But in today’s job market, networking isn’t just a nice extra – it’s essential. The hard truth that no one tells you when you start your career: Nobody’s coming to save you.
The Client Fairy isn't coming to leave a bunch of opportunities under your pillow. No one is going to drop the perfect job, client, or collaboration in your lap while you're binge-watching Netflix in your pyjamas.
If you want people to notice what you do, you’ve got to start conversations. That might mean talking to strangers (sorry). That might mean posting on the hellscape of social media (sorry again). But it’s the only way in.
As someone on Twitter put it: “I hate social media too. Ya know what tho? I love money.”
All opportunities come from people. Therefore, building and maintaining genuine relationships is the most crucial activity for any career. But it doesn’t have to be complicated or icky. It can be as simple and honest as helping each other achieve goals – whether that's with direct advice, sharing resources, or making introductions.
Mindset First
Before we dive into tactics, let's sort out the mental side of things. Here are three core principles that'll stop you feeling like a slimy git:
Rule #1: Don’t be a mosquito
I stole this from Derek Sivers’ great book Your Music And People. If you buzz around trying to suck value out of people without offering anything back, they’ll just swat you away like the pesky mozzie you are.
Rule #2: Find something in common
You don’t have to fake being “one of them.” No need to pretend you're something you ain't. Just find something you both care about. Look for shared interests, your mutual values & villains. Maybe it’s your line of work, maybe it’s a shared mission, maybe you both hate the same stupid industry trends.
Rule #3: Raise other people up (without putting them on a pedestal)
The easiest way to build strong relationships is by helping other people shine. Give them a platform. Share their work and stories. Take what they put down and run with it – yes AND style. Make other people look good, and they'll remember you for it.
The core philosophy = Be considerate, helpful, and human
That's it. Not some complicated strategy or manipulative technique – just being a decent human being who genuinely cares about helping others succeed.
Now we’ve gone over the mindset, let’s look at how to actually meet people and build those relationships...
Be Genuinely Helpful and Generous
The foundation of strong networking is to shift your focus from "what can I get?" to "what can I give?". Relationships are reciprocal. By genuinely looking for ways to help others without expecting an immediate return, you build trust and goodwill that naturally lead to opportunities. Give first, ask later.
What to do:
Connect on a Human Level (Not as a Transaction)
Industries and companies are not faceless machines – they’re collections of people, and people want to work with people they enjoy. The strongest and most fruitful connections are personal friendships, not just professional contacts. To build them, you’ve got to be authentic and treat others as peers. Basically be someone they'd grab a drink with, not just someone selling something.
What to do:
Be Politely Persistent and Follow Up
In the professional world, people are busy and overwhelmed (and occasionally lazy). A lack of response is almost never a personal rejection. Persistence isn’t annoying – it’s a sign that you’re serious, driven, and truly care.
What to do:
Be Strategic and Systematic
Networking isn't magic – it's a process. Don’t leave it to chance or faulty memory. Build habits, use systems, and keep your relationships alive with steady attention rather than bursts of activity when you're desperate. Every breakthrough you have will ultimately come from someone you know.
What to do:
5/25/150 → Sean Johnson gives a great example of systematic networking here.
Be Proactive and Resourceful in Seeking Help
Derek’s mantra: “Ask for help, but never wait for it”. While you should act as if no one is coming to rescue you, you should also never be afraid to actively seek help and advice. Your network is your greatest resource for solving problems and finding shortcuts. If your relationships are built on generosity and shared interests, asking for guidance or intros will feel natural, not awkward.
What to do:
Play the Long Game, Not the Short Con
The strongest networks are built over years, not days. Stay consistent. Show up. Be known for your curiosity, reliability, and generosity, and eventually, people will open doors for you.
What to do:
Be Likable and Reliable in Everyday Life
Your biggest career breaks will come from people who know your work and your character. That starts with being the person people want to help.
What to do:
Networking isn’t about collecting contacts. It’s about being someone others are happy to support when the time comes.
How do we teach this to kids?
If networking is just learning how to spot what someone else is trying to do, and help them do it, all we really need to do is teach kids how to be good friends. Aww.
Obviously, kids already figure this out by accident on the playground. What they’re not taught is how to do it on purpose, across different areas of life. And with the mindset of "If we help each other win, we all win faster."
If we taught this like we taught maths, kids wouldn’t grow up thinking “networking” is some painful adult skill you have to force yourself to learn at 27 when you’re stuck in a job you hate.
So how do we teach it?
Here are a few ideas off the top of my head…
Actually now I think of it, these are pretty good ideas for grownups too! I’d like to write more about this topic in future, but for now this post is already far too long. Let’s wrap up.
Want to get better at this yourself?
If you’re an adult human who’s trying to get better at this, here are two prompts you can try right now.
We start with your main goal or vision right now and then work out how you can achieve that through increasing your network.
👉 Open Prompt 1 directly (click submit ⇧ to get started)
Once you know who you want to meet, use the below prompt to figure out practical ways you can offer them value – starting today.
👉 Open Prompt 2 directly (click submit ⇧ to get started)
If you take one thing from this whole post, let it be this:
Networking is just making friends who help each other out.
Start small.
Stay human.
Play the long game.