Networking for normal people (a.k.a. making friends who happen to help your career)

Networking for normal people (a.k.a. making friends who happen to help your career)

Networking for normal people (a.k.a. making friends who happen to help your career)

by Bene Donovan // 10 July 2025

Here’s something that took me a while to learn: Networking isn’t schmoozing. It’s not stalking people on LinkedIn and sending “Hope you’re well!” messages while secretly hoping they’ll hand you a golden opportunity on a stick.

Networking is really just about making friends ♥️

People you like hanging out with. People you respect. People you help, and who help you back.

And we should be teaching kids this! Because if you grow up thinking that “building connections” means forcing awkward small talk at some dead-eyed business event, no wonder it feels dirty and soul-destroying.

But in today’s job market, networking isn’t just a nice extra – it’s essential. The hard truth that no one tells you when you start your career: Nobody’s coming to save you.

The Client Fairy isn't coming to leave a bunch of opportunities under your pillow. No one is going to drop the perfect job, client, or collaboration in your lap while you're binge-watching Netflix in your pyjamas.

If you want people to notice what you do, you’ve got to start conversations. That might mean talking to strangers (sorry). That might mean posting on the hellscape of social media (sorry again). But it’s the only way in.

As someone on Twitter put it: “I hate social media too. Ya know what tho? I love money.”

All opportunities come from people. Therefore, building and maintaining genuine relationships is the most crucial activity for any career. But it doesn’t have to be complicated or icky. It can be as simple and honest as helping each other achieve goals – whether that's with direct advice, sharing resources, or making introductions.

Mindset First

Before we dive into tactics, let's sort out the mental side of things. Here are three core principles that'll stop you feeling like a slimy git:

Rule #1: Don’t be a mosquito

I stole this from Derek Sivers’ great book Your Music And People. If you buzz around trying to suck value out of people without offering anything back, they’ll just swat you away like the pesky mozzie you are.

Rule #2: Find something in common

You don’t have to fake being “one of them.” No need to pretend you're something you ain't. Just find something you both care about. Look for shared interests, your mutual values & villains. Maybe it’s your line of work, maybe it’s a shared mission, maybe you both hate the same stupid industry trends.

Rule #3: Raise other people up (without putting them on a pedestal)

The easiest way to build strong relationships is by helping other people shine. Give them a platform. Share their work and stories. Take what they put down and run with it – yes AND style. Make other people look good, and they'll remember you for it.

The core philosophy = Be considerate, helpful, and human

That's it. Not some complicated strategy or manipulative technique – just being a decent human being who genuinely cares about helping others succeed.

Now we’ve gone over the mindset, let’s look at how to actually meet people and build those relationships...

Be Genuinely Helpful and Generous

The foundation of strong networking is to shift your focus from "what can I get?" to "what can I give?". Relationships are reciprocal. By genuinely looking for ways to help others without expecting an immediate return, you build trust and goodwill that naturally lead to opportunities. Give first, ask later.

What to do:

Don't be a mosquito. A mosquito only shows up to take something (suck your blood). Don't be that person. Engage, listen, and give before you ask.
Always think how you can help someone. Listen for what they need, what their challenges are, and offer solutions or introductions.
Introduce people without waiting to be asked. If two people in your network could help each other, connect them. It pays forward endlessly.
Spot opportunities to add value. Fix a technical issue, offer career advice, recommend a book, or share a tool that might help them.
Give small, thoughtful gifts. Especially to people in under-appreciated roles. A small, personal gift can be remembered for years and build a powerful bond.

Connect on a Human Level (Not as a Transaction)

Industries and companies are not faceless machines – they’re collections of people, and people want to work with people they enjoy. The strongest and most fruitful connections are personal friendships, not just professional contacts. To build them, you’ve got to be authentic and treat others as peers. Basically be someone they'd grab a drink with, not just someone selling something.

What to do:

Get personal. Move beyond professional-only talk as quickly as possible. Ask about their lives, their interests, and share your own. Be a friend.
Drop the sales pitch. Talk like a human being, not a LinkedIn post. Joke, ask curious questions, and admit what you don’t know.
Only build relationships with people you genuinely like. Don’t follow or engage with people you don’t respect, just for appearances.
Don't try to sound big. Use "I," not the corporate "we." Show charming flaws and vulnerability instead of appearing flawlessly professional. People connect with people, not brands.
Demolish pedestals. Don't put powerful or successful people on a pedestal. It makes you awkward and prevents a real friendship from forming. Treat everyone as a cool, approachable person, just like you!

Be Politely Persistent and Follow Up

In the professional world, people are busy and overwhelmed (and occasionally lazy). A lack of response is almost never a personal rejection. Persistence isn’t annoying – it’s a sign that you’re serious, driven, and truly care.

What to do:

Understand that business is done in the follow-up. Initial meetings (especially at conferences) are just for making the first contact. The real relationship-building and business happens in the weeks after, through dedicated follow-up.
Follow up repeatedly. In Derek’s book, one publicist’s system was to only listen to music from people who followed up three times. Persistence filters you from the crowd and proves your tenacity.
Assume they are swamped, not rude. If you don't get a reply, wait a week and try again with a polite and understanding tone.
Make your follow-ups useful. Share an article, ask a fresh question, or offer a relevant update, rather than just “bumping this up.”

Be Strategic and Systematic

Networking isn't magic – it's a process. Don’t leave it to chance or faulty memory. Build habits, use systems, and keep your relationships alive with steady attention rather than bursts of activity when you're desperate. Every breakthrough you have will ultimately come from someone you know.

What to do:

Use a database. Use a personal CRM (could be an app or even a detailed spreadsheet) to keep track of everyone you know, with notes on your conversations, their interests, and reminders to contact them.
Stay in touch systematically. Stay on people’s radar quarterly or a couple of times a year. Categorise your contacts (e.g., A-list, B-list) and set reminders to contact them every few weeks or months, just to see how they are and if you can help.
Meet new people every week. Set a small, consistent goal to expand your network. Over a year, just 3 people per week adds up to over 150 new potential connections.
Limit your network to people who matter. You don’t need thousands of weak ties. Focus on strong connections in the spaces you care about.
Have a plan for conferences. Your goal is to be a great listener, trade contact info quickly, and put everything in your database that night. Again, don’t try to do business there – do it in the follow-up.
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5/25/150 → Sean Johnson gives a great example of systematic networking here.

Be Proactive and Resourceful in Seeking Help

Derek’s mantra: “Ask for help, but never wait for it”. While you should act as if no one is coming to rescue you, you should also never be afraid to actively seek help and advice. Your network is your greatest resource for solving problems and finding shortcuts. If your relationships are built on generosity and shared interests, asking for guidance or intros will feel natural, not awkward.

What to do:

Don't be afraid to ask for favours. People often enjoy helping and showing off their knowledge or connections. It makes them feel valued. But make sure the ask is clear and respectful.
Get clear about what you need. Vague asks waste people’s time. Say: “Do you know anyone hiring for marketing leads in SaaS?” not “Do you know anyone hiring?”
Call and ask what to do. Call the company, organisation, or person you want to work with and ask for advice. If you’re aiming for a role in a specific industry, publication, or workplace, get in touch with someone already there. Ask them for five minutes of advice on how to break in. It’s the quickest way to learn the right steps.
Look for mutual wins. Frame your ask so it benefits them too. Example: “I’d love to get your thoughts on my project – it’s similar to what you’re building.”
Get "solicited" through existing contacts. If you want to break into a top company or industry, your best shot isn’t sending cold emails – it’s finding a trusted insider who can open the door for you. Whether it’s a friend, a former colleague, or someone in your network, a warm introduction carries far more weight than reaching out to strangers. Cold submissions are almost always ignored.

Play the Long Game, Not the Short Con

The strongest networks are built over years, not days. Stay consistent. Show up. Be known for your curiosity, reliability, and generosity, and eventually, people will open doors for you.

What to do:

Find ways into communities before you need a job. Volunteer, contribute, and participate to build your reputation early.
Keep nurturing your network when you're not job hunting. This builds trust and avoids the smell of desperation.
Don’t force every connection to be career-relevant. Sometimes your best professional allies are people you meet over shared hobbies or interests.
Expect nothing. Appreciate everything. Sometimes a connection won’t lead anywhere. That’s fine. Focus on being a good human first.

Be Likable and Reliable in Everyday Life

Your biggest career breaks will come from people who know your work and your character. That starts with being the person people want to help.

What to do:

Be friendly and easy to work with. Coworkers and classmates are your future referrers.
Do great work. Your competence is your best calling card.
Stay humble but confident. People respect those who deliver results (without any arrogance).

Networking isn’t about collecting contacts. It’s about being someone others are happy to support when the time comes.

How do we teach this to kids?

If networking is just learning how to spot what someone else is trying to do, and help them do it, all we really need to do is teach kids how to be good friends. Aww.

Obviously, kids already figure this out by accident on the playground. What they’re not taught is how to do it on purpose, across different areas of life. And with the mindset of "If we help each other win, we all win faster."

If we taught this like we taught maths, kids wouldn’t grow up thinking “networking” is some painful adult skill you have to force yourself to learn at 27 when you’re stuck in a job you hate.

So how do we teach it?

Here are a few ideas off the top of my head…

Project Buddies: Let kids work on their own thing, but buddy up to help each other make it better. Learn to give and receive feedback without taking over.
Mini Mastermind Groups: Quick weekly check-ins where kids say what they’re working on, what’s going well, and where they’re stuck. Normalises asking for help and cheering each other on.
Pass the Expertise: Every kid’s good at something. Give them time to teach the class – how to draw a dragon, build a tower, throw a rugby ball, whatever. Peer learning > teacher lectures.
“Who Can Help Me?” Walls: Physical or digital boards where kids post what they need help with, and others can offer. Teaches 2 things: asking is smart, and helping builds trust.
Weekly Shoutouts: Kids publicly thank others for helping them that week. No prizes, just attention on generosity. Builds a culture of noticing and appreciating.
Gratitude + Feedback Notes: Quick thank-you messages or compliments on cool work. Gets kids in the habit of saying “I saw what you did, and it was awesome.”
Connection Challenges: Turn curiosity into a game. “Ask 3 classmates what they’re working on.” “Find someone to help.” “Give one person feedback.”
Parent-Kid Project Partnerships: Help kids learn to tap into their extended network. Let them ask “Who do we know that might be able to help with this?” This gets them comfortable with reaching out.
Guest Kids, Not Just Adults: Run online calls with kids from other schools to share projects and ask questions. Builds confidence outside of social bubbles.

Actually now I think of it, these are pretty good ideas for grownups too! I’d like to write more about this topic in future, but for now this post is already far too long. Let’s wrap up.

Want to get better at this yourself?

If you’re an adult human who’s trying to get better at this, here are two prompts you can try right now.

We start with your main goal or vision right now and then work out how you can achieve that through increasing your network.

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Prompt 1: Find the Right People to Connect With

👉 Open Prompt 1 directly (click submit ⇧ to get started)

Once you know who you want to meet, use the below prompt to figure out practical ways you can offer them value – starting today.

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Prompt 2: Brainstorm Ways To Help Them

👉 Open Prompt 2 directly (click submit ⇧ to get started)

If you take one thing from this whole post, let it be this:

Networking is just making friends who help each other out.

Start small.

Stay human.

Play the long game.

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