#9 Networking (without the slime)

11 July 2025

Let's talk about networking. shudder

Just the word makes me want to hide under a rock. It sounds so slippery and self-serving, doesn’t it? But in today’s increasingly competitive job landscape, with fewer opportunities for more people, it feels like who you know is becoming more important than what you know. Things (mostly) don't just land on your lap… so you have to learn how to make it happen.

For years, I've had this cringey reaction to the whole idea of “selling yourself.” I’ve never been someone who’s great at asking for help. I’ve always believed I should be able to figure stuff out on my own. So for a long time, “networking” felt like begging, or pretending to be more impressive than I am.

That’s what I wish I'd learned at school – how to build genuine connections without feeling like a complete fraud in the process.

But recently, I've had a shift in my perspective: networking isn't about being a conniving schemer. It’s just about helping each other achieve their goals. You scratch their back, and (perhaps) they’ll scratch yours. Revolutionary stuff, I know.

This week, I decided to take a deep dive down the networking rabbit hole (for my own sake more than anything). After watching countless videos, reading articles, and generally obsessing over the topic, I've teased out three core principles that actually make sense:

Rule #1: Don’t be a mosquito

This one's from Derek Sivers' brilliant book Your Music And People: don't go around trying to suck people’s blood while offering nothing yourself. People aren’t stupid. If you approach them with the wrong mindset, they’ll smell it a mile off and swat you away like the pesky mozzie you are.

Rule #2: Find something in common

This kind of ties into last week’s edition about rebuilding bonds with people (why can't we all just get along?). Networking isn’t about collecting business cards or pretending you like golf. It’s about finding something real you can connect over.

So what do you really care about? Look for shared interests, your mutual values & villains. What can you both rally behind? That’s your starting point. No need to pretend you're something you ain't!

Rule #3: Raise other people up (without putting them on a pedestal)

This one’s about sharing other people’s stuff, celebrating their work, and building momentum around it. Not in a sycophantic “OMG you’re amazing please validate me” way. Just in a “more people should see this!” kind of way. Think of it like improv: you take what someone’s doing and add a “yes, and…” You pass their work to people who’d genuinely benefit without expecting anything back. That’s key.

A great example: My new favourite channel is SubwayTakes. The guy interviews people on the New York subway, gives them a mic, and lets them share their opinion. I love it because it doesn’t matter who’s speaking, it’s only the opinion that matters. His show become so popular that he’s now turning down big celebs every day. He wasn't exactly “networking” in the traditional sense – he was just bringing people to other people’s attention – and now his career has taken off.

What if it still feels wrong?

If the above three things don't feel right with someone, then it’s probably just not a good fit. Why bother networking with them in the first place? There's plenty more 🐟 in the sea. Not every connection needs to be a professional one, and not every professional connection needs to feel forced.

Let’s bin the word “networking”

I reckon we can ditch the “networking” label entirely. The word itself is half the problem. It conjures up sweaty conference rooms and forced smiles. It can easily be replaced by something less lizard-like. How about connecting? Or building relationships? Or simply being a decent human being who helps other people?

Much better.

Network before you need it

Networking is like gardening – it takes time, patience, and attention before opportunities sprout. So plant the seeds today and play the long game. As Derek Sivers says: “Ask for help, but never wait for it.”

If you want to dig deeper into this topic with some actionable advice, I’ve written a blog post that covers more approaches to networking → Networking for normal people

Do you have any stories of when networking helped out? Either you benefiting from it, or when you helped somebody else? I'd love to hear them, so let me know!