Romantic Relationships 101: Supplementary Materials

This document contains all the checklists, cheat sheets, and templates referenced throughout the course. These materials are designed to be practical tools that help you apply the concepts and skills from each lesson.

## Lesson 1: Understanding Yourself and Your Relationship Patterns

Checklist: Self-Understanding Fundamentals

I can identify my primary attachment style

I understand my top 3-5 relationship needs

I can recognize my common relationship triggers

I’ve reflected on how my past influences my current relationship expectations

I’ve created my Relationship Self-Portrait

Cheat Sheet: Attachment Styles

Attachment Style	Key Characteristics	Common Behaviors	Growth Opportunities
Secure	Comfortable with intimacy and independence	Direct communication, appropriate trust	Helping partners feel secure
Anxious	Fears abandonment, seeks reassurance	Frequent checking in, sensitivity to changes	Developing self-soothing, respecting boundaries
Avoidant	Values independence, uncomfortable with deep intimacy	Creating emotional distance, focusing on partner flaws	Staying present during emotional intimacy
Disorganized	Contradictory approach-avoid behaviors	Chaotic relationship patterns	Developing consistency, possibly with professional support

Template: Relationship Self-Portrait

My Attachment Style: - Primary style: - How it typically manifests in relationships: - How it serves me: - How it may challenge me:

My Core Relationship Needs: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

My Relationship Triggers: 1. Trigger: - Physical sensations: - Typical reaction: - Underlying need/fear:

Trigger:

Physical sensations:
Typical reaction:
Underlying need/fear:

Trigger:

Physical sensations:
Typical reaction:
Underlying need/fear:

Patterns From My Past: - Family relationship patterns I’ve noticed: - Recurring themes in past relationships: - One pattern I’d like to change:

My Relationship Strengths: 1. 2. 3.

## Lesson 2: Finding and Recognizing Compatible Partners

Checklist: Partner Selection Skills

I can distinguish between essential compatibility factors and superficial preferences

I’ve identified the specific green flags most important for my relationship satisfaction

I recognize the red flags I should pay attention to based on my needs and history

I have strategies for getting to know potential partners more authentically

I’m aware of my personal partner selection pitfalls and have plans to address them

I’ve created my Compatibility Compass for future reference

Cheat Sheet: Compatibility Factors vs. Preferences

Essential Compatibility Factors	“Nice to Have” Preferences	Potentially Overvalued Traits
Shared core values	Similar interests/hobbies	Specific physical attributes
Compatible communication styles	Educational background	Career/income level
Mutual respect and admiration	Activity level/lifestyle	Cultural background
Similar views on family/children	Sense of adventure	Shared taste in entertainment
Aligned financial approaches	Social circle compatibility	Similar past experiences

Template: Compatibility Compass

My Non-Negotiables: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Green Flags I’m Looking For: 1. 2. 3.

Red Flags to Heed: 1. 2. 3.

Questions/Situations to Assess Compatibility: 1. 2. 3.

My Partner Selection Pitfalls: 1. 2.

My Strategies to Avoid These Pitfalls: 1. 2.

## Lesson 3: Effective Communication in Relationships

Checklist: Communication Skills

I can identify the Four Horsemen in communication and their antidotes

I’ve practiced active listening techniques

I can craft effective “I” statements to express needs and feelings

I understand my communication style and how to adapt to different styles

I have a framework for navigating difficult conversations

I’ve created my personal Communication Improvement Plan

Cheat Sheet: Communication Troubleshooting

If This Is Happening…	Try This Instead…
Conversation escalates quickly into argument	Use a “soft startup” with “I” statements
Partner seems defensive or shuts down	Check your tone for criticism or contempt; validate before problem-solving
You feel flooded with emotion	Take a 20-30 minute physiological break (with a set time to return)
Talking in circles without resolution	Summarize understanding before moving to solutions
Frequent misunderstandings	Check for communication style differences and adapt accordingly
Recurring arguments about the same issue	Focus on underlying needs rather than positions

Template: “I” Statement Formula

Observation (neutral facts without judgment): “When [specific situation/behavior happens]…”
Feeling (your emotional response): “I feel [emotion]…”
Need (the underlying need affecting your feelings): “Because I need/value…”
Request (specific, positive action): “Would you be willing to…?”

Template: Communication Improvement Plan

My Communication Strength:

My Most Common Communication Pitfall:

Antidote to My Pitfall:

Three Communication Habits I Want to Develop: 1. 2. 3.

One Conversation I Commit to Having: - Topic: - When: - Opening statement:

My Self-Check Question:

## Lesson 4: Healthy Conflict Resolution

Checklist: Conflict Resolution Skills

I can identify my primary conflict style and its impacts

I understand the structure of healthy conflict conversations

I recognize my flooding triggers and have strategies to manage them

I’m aware of my typical conflict pitfalls and how to avoid them

I have specific repair strategies for when conflicts go off track

I’ve created my personal Conflict Resolution Blueprint

Cheat Sheet: Conflict Resolution Phrases

When You Need To…	Try Saying…
Start a difficult conversation	“I’d like to talk about something that’s been on my mind. Is this a good time?”
Take a time-out	“I’m feeling flooded and need 30 minutes to calm down. Can we continue at 7:30?”
Check understanding	“I want to make sure I understand. Are you saying that…?”
Acknowledge partner’s perspective	“I can see how from your perspective, this feels like…”
Refocus on one issue	“I think we’re bringing in other issues. Could we focus just on X for now?”
Suggest a solution	“What if we tried… How would that work for you?”
Repair after conflict	“I care more about our relationship than being right about this.”

Template: Conflict Resolution Blueprint

My Primary Conflict Style:

When I’ll Use Alternative Styles:

My Flooding Triggers: 1. 2. 3.

My De-escalation Plan: - Time-out phrase: - Self-soothing activities: - How I’ll signal readiness to re-engage:

My Most Common Conflict Trap:

How I’ll Avoid This Trap:

My Go-To Repair Strategies: 1. 2. 3.

Reminder of Conflict’s Positive Purpose:

## Lesson 5: Building Emotional Intimacy

Checklist: Emotional Intimacy Skills

I understand the components of emotional intimacy and why it matters

I’ve identified opportunities to practice appropriate vulnerability

I can recognize and respond to emotional bids for connection

I’ve designed daily, weekly, and occasional connection rituals

I understand how to balance emotional closeness with healthy autonomy

I’ve created my Emotional Intimacy Growth Plan

Cheat Sheet: Emotional Intimacy Builders

When You Want To…	Try This…
Deepen conversation	Ask open-ended questions about feelings, dreams, or values
Show you’re listening	Reflect back what you hear: “It sounds like you’re feeling…”
Build daily connection	Create a 10-minute check-in ritual at a consistent time
Respond to difficult emotions	Validate feelings first before offering solutions
Express appreciation	Share specific things you admire or value about your partner
Reconnect after distance	Start with low-pressure shared activities before deep talks

Template: Emotional Intimacy Growth Plan

Our Emotional Intimacy Strengths: 1. 2. 3.

Areas to Deepen Our Connection: 1. 2. 3.

Our Connection Rituals: - Daily: - Weekly: - Occasional:

How I’ll Practice Vulnerability: 1. 2.

How I’ll Practice Emotional Attunement: 1. 2.

How We’ll Maintain Healthy Boundaries: 1. 2.

## Lesson 6: Nurturing Physical Intimacy

Checklist: Physical Intimacy Skills

I understand the full spectrum of physical intimacy and its importance

I can communicate effectively about physical needs and boundaries

I recognize how physical intimacy evolves through relationship stages

I have strategies for maintaining non-sexual touch connection

I can address common challenges to physical intimacy

I’ve created my Physical Connection Plan

Cheat Sheet: Physical Connection Through Life Stages

Life Stage	Common Challenges	Potential Adaptations
New relationship	Establishing boundaries and preferences	Open communication; explore preferences together
Career demands	Time and energy limitations	Brief, consistent connection; scheduling intimacy
Parenting young children	Privacy issues; exhaustion	Creative timing; emphasis on quick connection
Health changes	Physical limitations; body image	Focus on pleasure not performance; explore new activities
Empty nest	Redefining relationship	Rediscover preferences; create new rituals
Retirement/aging	Physical changes; routine	Emphasize sensuality; adapt to changing needs

Template: Physical Connection Plan

Our Physical Intimacy Strengths: 1. 2. 3.

Aspects to Enhance or Maintain: 1. 2. 3.

Our Touch Rituals: - Daily: - Weekly:

Our Primary Physical Intimacy Challenges: 1. 2.

Strategies to Address These Challenges: 1. 2. 3.

Conversation to Initiate About Physical Connection: - Topic: - When: - Opening statement:

How We’ll Maintain Playfulness: 1. 2.

## Lesson 7: Supporting Growth and Independence

Checklist: Growth and Independence Skills

I understand how personal growth affects relationship dynamics

I’ve identified my ideal balance of togetherness and independence

I have specific strategies to support my partner’s development

I can communicate effectively about changing needs

I know how to navigate transitions while maintaining connection

I’ve created my Growth-Supporting Relationship Plan

Cheat Sheet: Supporting vs. Hindering Growth

Growth-Supporting Behaviors	Growth-Hindering Behaviors
Expressing genuine interest in partner’s pursuits	Dismissing or minimizing partner’s interests
Creating space and time for individual activities	Making partner feel guilty about time apart
Celebrating achievements and progress	Competing or comparing accomplishments
Offering encouragement during setbacks	Saying “I told you so” when challenges arise
Adapting to changing needs and boundaries	Resisting change to maintain status quo
Viewing growth as relationship-enhancing	Fearing growth will lead to growing apart

Template: Growth-Supporting Relationship Plan

My Ideal Balance: - Areas where I need independence: - Areas where I prefer togetherness:

How I’ll Support My Partner’s Growth: 1. Current growth priority: 2. How I’ll show interest: 3. Practical support I’ll offer: 4. Space I’ll provide:

How We’ll Communicate About Changing Needs: 1. Regular check-in schedule: 2. Topics to revisit regularly: 3. How we’ll handle resistance to change:

Our Strategy for Upcoming Transitions: 1. Transition we’re facing: 2. Potential challenges: 3. Connection maintenance plan: 4. Support resources:

Growth-Promoting Shared Experience:

How We’ll Celebrate Achievements: - Individual achievements: - Relationship achievements:

## Lesson 8: Maintaining Long-Term Relationship Satisfaction

Checklist: Long-Term Satisfaction Skills

I understand how relationships naturally evolve through different phases

I can identify the key factors that contribute to long-term satisfaction

I have strategies to prevent relationship stagnation

I’ve designed meaningful rituals to sustain connection

I know how to build relationship resilience for navigating challenges

I’ve created my Long-Term Satisfaction Blueprint

Cheat Sheet: Relationship Maintenance Practices

Timeframe	Practice	Purpose	Example
Daily	Brief connection rituals	Maintain emotional bond	6-second kiss when reuniting
Weekly	Dedicated couple time	Prevent disconnection	Device-free dinner and conversation
Monthly	New experiences	Maintain novelty and growth	Try new activity or place together
Quarterly	Relationship check-in	Address issues before they grow	Scheduled “how are we doing” conversation
Annually	Relationship reflection	Celebrate growth, set intentions	Anniversary reflection on year’s journey
As needed	Relationship renewal	Adapt to major life changes	Redefining roles after major transition

Template: Long-Term Satisfaction Blueprint

Our Current Relationship Phase:

Implications for our relationship:

Our Anti-Stagnation Strategies: 1. 2. 3.

Our Connection Rituals: - Daily: - Weekly: - Annual:

Our Relationship Resilience Approach: 1. Current/potential challenge: 2. Connection maintenance strategies: 3. External supports: 4. Stress-check phrase:

Our Relationship Renewal Practice: 1. Annual reflection conversation date: 2. How we’ll celebrate milestones: 3. Vision elements to update: 4. Our commitment phrase/ritual:

## Lesson 9: Capstone - Integrating Relationship Skills

Checklist: Integrated Relationship Skills

I understand how all relationship skills work together as an integrated system

I’ve identified my relationship strengths and growth areas across all dimensions

I’ve created my 90-Day Relationship Development Plan

I’ve drafted my Relationship Vision

I’ve developed my Relationship Action Plan

I’m committed to ongoing relationship skill development

Cheat Sheet: Relationship Skills Integration

When You’re Facing…	Integrate These Skills…
Communication breakdown	Self-awareness + Communication techniques + Emotional attunement
Recurring conflicts	Conflict resolution + Understanding patterns + Creating repair rituals
Emotional distance	Emotional intimacy + Physical connection + Relationship maintenance
Major life changes	Supporting growth + Conflict navigation + Relationship renewal
Feeling stuck or bored	Long-term satisfaction + Physical intimacy + Growth and independence
Trust issues	Self-understanding + Partner selection + Communication + Emotional intimacy

Template: 90-Day Relationship Development Plan

Focus Skill 1: - Specific improvement goal: - Practice 1: - Practice 2: - Practice 3: - Practice schedule: - Progress tracking method:

Focus Skill 2: - Specific improvement goal: - Practice 1: - Practice 2: - Practice 3: - Practice schedule: - Progress tracking method:

Focus Skill 3: - Specific improvement goal: - Practice 1: - Practice 2: - Practice 3: - Practice schedule: - Progress tracking method:

Check-in Schedule: - 30-day check-in date: - 60-day check-in date: - 90-day check-in date:

Support Resources: 1. 2. 3.

Template: Relationship Vision

The Emotional Climate We Want to Create:

How We’ll Approach Challenges Together:

Our Core Relationship Values: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

How We’ll Balance Individual and Shared Needs:

What Our Day-to-Day Relationship Will Feel Like:

How Our Relationship Will Evolve Over Time:

Template: Relationship Action Plan

Self-Understanding & Partner Selection: - Daily practice: - Weekly practice: - Monthly practice: - Challenge response:

Communication & Conflict Resolution: - Daily practice: - Weekly practice: - Monthly practice: - Challenge response:

Emotional & Physical Intimacy: - Daily practice: - Weekly practice: - Monthly practice: - Challenge response:

Growth & Long-Term Satisfaction: - Daily practice: - Weekly practice: - Monthly practice: - Challenge response:

Implementation Timeline: - Week 1: - Week 2: - Week 3: - Week 4:

Evaluation Method: - How we’ll know if our practices are working: - Adjustments we’ll make if needed:

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